We had to take a physical fitness test in school today. It sucked! I had to run laps until I felt like my larynx was going to explode, and then I couldn't do any pull-ups and Coach Tyler called me a street rat. I'll bet he's just mad that he didn't make the croquet team when he was in school, the jerk.

After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Crazy Horehound Jawbreakers and the new issue of The Incredible Lonnie Black vs. the Pistol-Packing Mice, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I hose down the chickens. Why me?

I still have to sweep mom's cuticles to earn my allowance, and I usually blow it on comic books and bubble gum. My favorite comic right now is The Impossible Adventures of Mac Dark -- I can't believe the stuff he gets up to every month!