After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's practice kissing instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.

That big bully Ronnie Thompson took my lunch money and tore up my copy of Hard-Boiled Douglas Slade and the Undead Fellows today. I hate him so much! Mr. Franklin says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his giblets in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some ion-fu lessons.