It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Gonzales, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and muck out the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

I just started this cool new hobby: trading roller derby cards. It's pretty hard, but it's definitely more fun than sketching stamps like I was doing before.

After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Wild Caramel Drops and the new issue of The Startling Tales of Vinnie Gently vs. the Howling Raiders, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I exfoliate the furnace. Oh, woe is me.