After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Electric Sour Gum and the new issue of The Marvelous Emil Payne vs. the Pirate Dogs, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I wash mom's cuticles. Alas and alack!

There's this totally cute new girl at school! Her name is Serenity Jefferson and she's fantastic. I mean, she's a little weird; her mom packs her these gross organic lunches, and if she even smells a peanut, she gets all swollen and has to lie down, but she's still awesome. I wonder if she's into protesting bottle caps? I dunno. How do you talk to girls?