After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Bitter Root Beer Jawbreakers and the new issue of Legendary Glenn Noir vs. the Moon Patrol, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I clean the table. Oh, crud!

That big bully Marty Haskell took my lunch money and tore up my copy of Lost Edgar Malone and the Outer Lasses today. I hate him so much! Mr. Velasquez says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his giblets in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some born-fu lessons.