There's a new afterschool club for selling chinchillas. I think I might join it. I mean, I'm not really into that stuff, but Ashleigh Faulkner is a member, and I figure maybe if I get there early I could sit next to her.

So my friend Donny Aguirre totally has a girlfriend now, and he said if she ever shows him her boobs, he'll tell me all about it. In detail. I guess that'll have to do until I get a girlfriend of my own. I've got my eye on Maggie Tyler, so we'll see what happens when I make my move.