My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Mysterious Reynaldo and the Azure Bats, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his lymph node punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

The other day me and Billy were playing kickball over by the scary old factory and he said he thought he saw a vampire. I told him they weren't real, and he got this weird look in his eyes and said "Oh, they're real. They're real, all right. You'll find out soon enough."