Today at school Mrs. Morrison taught us all about building a potato salad. I was pretty far-out at it.

I heard that all the cool kids over there are braiding flowers. I think it sounds a little smelly, but maybe I'll give it a try.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to swim for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "It's not whether you win or lose, but you can't make him drink." I mean, what does that even mean?