We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Zeta Delta Iota, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Mikey Gibbs had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to do calisthenics for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "When all you have is a hammer, Mohammed will go to the mountain." I mean, what does that even mean?

Mom kept pestering me to sweep the toilet while I was playing Silent Galaxy 5 today. I tried to tell her I was in the middle of a boss fight, but she made me do it anyway. She said "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, the tough get going." I have no idea what she's talking about when she says stuff like that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm adopted.