It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Reynolds, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and hose down the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Larry Shatner keeps talking about selling wool hats. Who does that anymore? That was AGES ago! Nowadays everyone is braiding little green army men. What do they do for fun where you live? Maybe that'll be the next big thing over here!

After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's feed the homeless instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.