We had to write a book report for school, so I did mine on issue 15 of Fist-Fighting Cliff Hardy. It's my favorite one coz it's the first appearance of The Pistol-Packing Noise. Mrs. Lancaster said that wasn't appropriate material for a book report and gave me a D. She's just jealous coz all the books she has to read are really boring! I bet she's never even heard of The Lemur Lads!

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to stand on my head for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "When the going gets tough, Coors Light." I mean, what does that even mean?

Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to clean the toilet before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of pizza rolls with a side of sauerkraut, and wash it down with a glass of mustard.