It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Rutledge, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and laminate the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Today we were sitting around the fort and Robby said we should do a raid on the fort that the kids from the other side of town made. It sounded like a good idea until Mikey pointed out that Big Hank is in their gang. That took the wind out of our sails pretty quick! That guy is HUGE, and I bet he has to shave like twice a day. So we built water balloon cannons in case they decide to raid us.