It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Chambers, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and feed the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Yesterday I dared Woody Ortiz to throw a rock at Old Mr. Young's house. I didn't think he'd do it, but he totally did! The old man came running out in a dirty old bathrobe, waving his cane and yelling. I didn't really hear what he said because I was running too hard, but it sounded like "Arrrrgh blargle blargle blargle!" It was really scary, I thought he was gonna kill us! He isn't a very fast runner though.