My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to jam my hands in a barrel of rice for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "It's not whether you win or lose, get out of the kitchen." I mean, what does that even mean?

Yesterday I dared Ollie Bryan to throw a rock at Old Mr. Garfield's house. I didn't think he'd do it, but he totally did! The old man came running out in a dirty old bathrobe, waving his cane and yelling. I didn't really hear what he said because I was running too hard, but it sounded like "Arrrrgh blargle blargle blargle!" It was really scary, I thought he was gonna kill us! He isn't a very fast runner though.