We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Beta Chi Sigma, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Donny Schroeder had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to lift weights for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "Nothing ventured, every problem looks like a nail." I mean, what does that even mean?

I just got a new pet Vietnamese pot-bellied pig! I named it Mr. Snuggles. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and scour him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.