Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Fake Cockney Accent Lamont Martinez, the Lumberjack

Hot: Harold Zevon, the Flame Belcher

Cold: Ice-Covered Clyde "Mr. Sleet" Clinton, the Indifferent Stare of a Former Lover

Stench: Outhouse Dwight Hall, the Dumpster Sleeper

Spooky: Coffin-Breath Chrysler "Gravedigger" Black

Sleazy: Greased Nettles "Lingering Hug" McMahon

Crimbo: Mollyroth Tinselstringer, Who Got Run Over By a Reindeer

The Hoboverlord sez: Don't... tell Little SISTER. Gotta shake the boxcar.

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