Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Steve Clinton, Ultralord of the Hobo Jungle

Hot: Davey "The Back Burner" Woodward

Cold: Abominable Stitch Wilson

Stench: Cal Sullivan, the Man Who Should Probably Change His Underwear, Like, Now

Spooky: Paul Hernandez, the Maniacal Laugher

Sleazy: Greased Archie Spitzner, the Guy Who Was Kicked Out of the Frat House for Misogynistic Behavior

Crimbo: Sleigh-Ride Billrod Bowtier, the One Who Waits Under the Mistletoe

The Hoboverlord sez: Gotta step... on THE BANANA. Lost the chairs. Papa's gonna be mad.

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