Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Chiptooth Moe, the Sexual Elf

Hot: Steam Vent Doc North, the Roman Candelabra

Cold: Polar-Bear Frederick "Frigid Jim" Isaacson

Stench: Norma "Rottencrotch" Buck

Spooky: Reasonably Frightening Steven Shannahan

Sleazy: Willie Washington, the Guy Who Casually Brushes Up Against You Way Too Often for It to Be a Coincidence

Crimbo: Silent-Night Dookieos "Figgy Pudding" Halldecker, the Hall Decker

The Hoboverlord sez: Look out... Don't be... a telephone. Grandpa's got... a WEIGHTLIFTER.

Generate some more