Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Chainmail Stevie Des Moines

Hot: Oliver Lennon, Who Burns at Both Ends

Cold: Alistair "Snowflake" Simon, the Little Fonzie (And What's Fonzie Like?)

Stench: Flatulent Leo Nichols

Spooky: Rigor Mortis Charlie "Bogeyman" Harris

Sleazy: XXX-Rated Parker "Close-Talking" Rudd, the "Special" Hugger

Crimbo: Tedroth Fudgeboxer, the Decorator

The Hoboverlord sez: Don't TELL Papa. LEWIS'S got a bench.

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