Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Square Root Max, the Infirm

Hot: Furnace-Face Ed, the Sterno Connoisseur

Cold: Staniel "Freezerburn" Goodman

Stench: Caboose-Fouling James Thompson

Spooky: Louis "Skullface" Nelson

Sleazy: Greased Alvin, the Guy Who Works the Ferris Wheel at the County Fair

Crimbo: Feliz Ralphdreth, the Holly Hanger

The Hoboverlord sez: Wallpaper? Gotta watch the pastry.

Generate some more