Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Judge Jim Martin

Hot: Flame-Broiled Thad "Sparky" Meadows

Cold: Slim McNichols, the Human Icebox

Stench: Ogilvy "Lavatory" Stemple

Spooky: Emil Woodward, the Maniacal Laugher

Sleazy: Thanatos O'Kelly, the Snake-Oil Salesman

Crimbo: Stocking-Stuffin' Svenlas "Sweet Tooth" Taffypuller, the Hall Decker

The Hoboverlord sez: Can't find IT. Can't find the cup of coffee. Watch out!... Mumble mumble... It's Old Man Johnson, Old Man Johnson is... One time...

Generate some more