Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Chiseltooth Doc Capulet, the President's Long-Lost Brother

Hot: Supernova Clancy "Conflagration" Dunn

Cold: Frosty Slim Nichols

Stench: Paco "Lavatory" Harris, the Foulness-in-Chief of Stankonia

Spooky: Zombified Ogilvy Jones, the Hobosferatu

Sleazy: Not-Safe-For-Work Wade "Furtive" Simon

Crimbo: Mistle-toed Clancywen, the Ubiquitous Music that Grates on your Ears after Two Minutes

The Hoboverlord sez: Careful... Gotta hit the shirt. Say... Are you Old... MAN Harris? Tell me...

Generate some more