Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Huckleberry "Melvin" Nite

Hot: Scalding Mick "JabaƱero" Westinghouse

Cold: Fresh-From-The-Refrigerator Hilary Harrison, the Fallen Snow-Angel

Stench: Horus "Halitosis" O'Mally, the Hobo Who Sleeps With the Pigs

Spooky: Frankenstein's Shane Bush

Sleazy: Too-Much-Pomade Eddie, the Guy Your Parents Were Specifically Referring To When They Said Not To Talk To Strangers

Crimbo: Stocking-Stuffin' Yancyeri "Silver Bells" Navidad

The Hoboverlord sez: I know... Gotta buy the... icebox. Don't tell... Old Man Jones. Say...

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