Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Jocko Symington, the Moistener

Hot: Sizzling Vincent Goodman

Cold: Freezing Vinnie "Black Ice" Madison, the Dry Icicle

Stench: Filth-Covered John Harrison

Spooky: Dead-eyed Molly McMahon

Sleazy: Vince "Peeping Tom" Benedict

Crimbo: Dwighteri Sauerkraut, the Bell Jingler

The Hoboverlord sez: Telephones? Have you seen Lewis?

Generate some more