Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Jedediah "Champagne Cork" Nelson, the Prodigal Halfwit

Hot: Steam Vent Abe "Firebrand" Nicholson, the Hoboñero Jabo

Cold: Leonardo "Wind Chill" Westinghouse

Stench: Nauseatin' Jocko "Underarms" Goldthwait, the Stankmaster

Spooky: Bix "Corpsey" North, Who Sings Nursery Rhymes in a High-Pitched Voice While Delicately Caressing a Straight Razor

Sleazy: XXX-Rated Cholly, the Bottom Pincher

Crimbo: Good King Newtonlas, Who May Or May Not Be Home For Crimbo

The Hoboverlord sez: Wiggle the newspaper? One time... Too many mailbox.

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