| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Updike, but you grew tired of having to comb the floors and laminate the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Cold Crick just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Wizard Grimtooth, who had poisoned the town's earwig population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. At first it was a real breeze, up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a antlion pit and a gelatinous cube, with a horse bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your nipple. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's tomb, dispatching hobos left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Horror Warlock Mephistor. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your dagger into his lower back. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil smartass was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Crunkleford.
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