| Due to a misunderstanding, your daughter enrolled you in Morcestecershire Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in card tricks.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Flytrap. There, you met the town crier's fat nephew, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Moose. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. It wasn't a thing but you soon were confounded by a fiendish statue-pushing puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were pissed as an underfed hamster. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a town crier in some crummy backwater like Dropseat or Sto Lat. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Grim Lawyer Hasslehoff, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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