| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Cavill, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a serpent-tongued, raven-haired barber. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). You headed off into the wild wilderness of Persimmonbury Grove in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Coney Island you heard a town crier shouting about how the a farmer's quarter-witted roommate had been kidnapped by hobos, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. There was no drama in the LBC until you dropped your yo-yo in a vending machine and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the dire dwarves showed up. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless dire dwarves and desperados -- even a gazebo! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Devil Warlock Hasslehoff, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a awkward conversation with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Yarbleshire and claimed your reward.
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