| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of New Brunswick is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Lurkmoor in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Crunkleford you heard a town crier shouting about how the the barman's red-headed stepchild had been kidnapped by orcs, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You had a good handle on it at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those orcs. That weretiger picked the total worst time to eat your flail. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's tower, dispatching kobolds left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Ice Devil Lord Morgar. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your teddy bear into his kidney. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil dweeb was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Waltermatthau.
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