| It was hard growing up as a village idiot's son in the tiny hamlet of Stubborn Mule, in the land of Bacon. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) You headed off into the wild wilderness of Coney Island in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Wibbleshire you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Lord of Blurstishire's half-witted stepchild had been kidnapped by barbarians, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were doing a good job until you had to fend off half a dozen thieves with your solar plexus trapped in a cheese-grater. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the horse showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But, you put on your brave face, and made your way through the caverns and caves to where the Devil Giant Baaaal held court over his horde of skeletal accountants, and with uncountable swings of your halberd (and a few well-placed attacks of opportunity), you finally slew the horrible moron and rode back to town to claim your glory (and reward).
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