| It was hard growing up as a stableboy's son in the tiny hamlet of Pitlick, in the land of Flansburgh. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Cowpat. There, you met the Marquis of Kilmer's underdeveloped daughter, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Azure Raccoon. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. It wasn't a thing but then you wandered into a room totally full of kobolds, plus a rust monster, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to wax all the guinea pig in your hometown of Cowpat. So you kept going, right into the owlry of the evil Knight Krampus. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your skull handed to you.
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