| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Flabbernathy is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As you wandered the back alleys of Spazmotic (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned pig stable. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Ivory Dire wind. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Earl of Copperhawk's lost parakeet, Mrs. Cutesworth. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. Everything was going great until you dropped your halberd in a meat grinder and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the orphans showed up. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a tavernkeep in some crummy backwater like Bobcat or Buttole. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Skull Giant Diabolico, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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