| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of gangsters and raised in a dark and wild forest. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. As you wandered the back alleys of Dumpington (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned belfry. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Ivory Raven grip. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Lord of Zevroozlchester's lost gerbil, Bootsie. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. At first it was a real breeze, until you got lost in a strip mall -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet flail +1 in a mimic's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some dire dwarves into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the nipple. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to clean all the marmoset in your hometown of Cheddarwurst. So you kept going, right into the comic shop of the evil Lawyer Grognard. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your shoulder handed to you.
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