| After your quiet hometown of Foobar was attacked by gypsies and, despite your young age, you were forced to take up arms to defend it, you decided that the life of a Fighter was the life you were looking for. It would be a long and difficult road, but it sure beat the heck out of being a stableboy like your dad wanted. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Delawhat, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Buttole, and heard the local bard talking about the ancient strip mall that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Amethyst Idol of Grognard that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. You were rocking the house until you got your nipple caught in a spiked pit and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your magic wand and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Dark Witchlord Diabolicus's army of drunken ents. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil assface into his own iron maiden, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Febreezia.
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