| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Pete, but you grew tired of having to wax the floors and exfoliate the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Klatch when you met the town milkmaid. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the village idiot's sexy cousin, who had been kidnapped by dire dwarves. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you had to actually go in the dungeon. That was when you fell in a cheese-grater, got attacked by tramps, and got your thigh bitten off by a bugbear. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless gunslingers and jerks -- even a cardinal slaad! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Dragon Lord Xxyrg, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a iron maiden with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Hambonia and claimed your reward.
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