| Life was hard as an orphan on the streets of Madlib, without a cousin or niece to teach you right from wrong. On the other hand, you wouldn't have grown up to be such a talented Thief otherwise. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Pig-in-a-Poke. There, you met the Lord of Schmalbion's sexy aunt, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Marmot. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house until you got your skull caught in a swinging razor-sharp pendulum and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for lizardmen, you made your way to the lair of Shadow Lord Hasslehoff and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul rakshasa to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your longbow and knocked the villain screaming into a beartrap with a well-placed kick to the face. At last, the treasure was yours!
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