| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Keaton, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a thin, sexy squire. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). In the fiefdom of Blurstishire, in the unpleasant-smelling backwater of Piehole, you found an inn with cheap jell-o shots and spent the night carousing. There, you heard a tale of the forgotten treasure of the Topaz Caves, lost for ages during the time of the great reaping. You decided to seek the treasure yourself, heedless of the literal mountain of skeletons of those who had tried before you. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got attacked by more indigent native tribesmen than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your skull intact! But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your mace, and cut your way through the hordes of bullywugs that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Skull Lawyer Blackfist, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost second cousin, but you killed the spaz anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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