| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Waxtoff is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Klatch. There, you met a fisherman's bright-eyed half-brother, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Silver Gorilla. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were doing a neat job but then you wandered into a room totally full of accountants, plus a bugbear, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to depilitate all the tarantula in your hometown of Sto Lat. So you kept going, right into the horse stable of the evil Knight Hasslehoff. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your ear handed to you.
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