| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Bacon is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Hamonrye, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Cowpat, and heard the local "seamstress" talking about the ancient sewer that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Sapphire Idol of Hatredpelican that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. There was no drama in the LBC until you dropped your flail in a sphere of annihilation and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the gunslingers showed up. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for dark elves, you made your way to the lair of Frost Overlord Morgar and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul bugbear to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your crossbow and knocked the villain screaming into a sphere of annihilation with a well-placed kick to the nipple. At last, the treasure was yours!
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