As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Split the Atom the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Waxton Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Alpha of Topaz and could set out to make your fortune.

You headed off into the wild wilderness of Waxtoff in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Hambonia you heard a town crier shouting about how the a fisherman's bright-eyed grandfather had been kidnapped by bandits, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest.

You were rocking the house until you dropped your club in a sphere of annihilation and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the skeletons showed up.

Bruised but unbroken, you readied your spoon and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Vampire Lawyer Breakcoccyx's army of serpent-tongued hobos. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil dork into his own vending machine, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Prefectford.

Loot:origami handaxe of hobo slaying
miraculous padlock of contempt
backpack of telepathy

Another!