| It was hard growing up as a farmhand's son in the tiny hamlet of Stubborn Mule, in the land of Reeves. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Having heard many rumors about how Keaton was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding bandits (who had already looted and burned the villages of Cold Crick, Mudhole, and Molehill), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the kidney of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You were rocking the house until you got lost in a tower -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet Leatherman +1 in a gray slaad's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some dark elves into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the lower back. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for orphans, you made your way to the lair of Dark Marquis Diablolo and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul gazebo to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your spoon and knocked the villain screaming into a lava pool with a well-placed kick to the kidney. At last, the treasure was yours!
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