| Life was hard as an orphan on the streets of Malph, without a son or sister to teach you right from wrong. On the other hand, you wouldn't have grown up to be such a talented Thief otherwise. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Glameroth in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Crunkleford you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Grand Vizier's skeletal niece had been kidnapped by goblins, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You weren't having any problems until you got your nipple caught in a spiked pit and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's strip mall, dispatching goblins left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Evil Wizard Badfella. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your crossbow into his solar plexus. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil twit was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Coney Island.
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