| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of jocks and raised in a dark and wild forest. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Yarbleshire in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Bafflesbury you heard a town crier shouting about how the the village idiot's tattooed grandmother had been kidnapped by ents, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were doing a tubular job but you soon were confounded by a fiendish mine crafting puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were steamed as an underfed Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your 10' pole, and cut your way through the hordes of goblins that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Dragon Wizard Diabolico, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost son, but you killed the yokel anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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