| You always knew that the village of Morpork wasn't big enough for you -- after all, it was just the one hut, and it was a small one. So, when you came of age, you decided to make a name for yourself as a Fighter. (You parents never gave you a name. You were hoping for "Simon".) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Dumpington. There, you met the Poo-bah's drunken stepchild, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Ruby Elephant. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got lost in a dungeon -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet 10' pole +1 in a roper's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some bullywugs into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the face. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your nunchuks, and cut your way through the hordes of dire dwarves that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Shadow Warrior Xxyrg, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost uncle, but you killed the douchenugget anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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