| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Blurstishire is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Stubborn Mule. There, you met the Earl of Keaton's cunning stepchild, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Azure Lizard. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. Everything was hunky-dory until you had to fend off half a dozen badgers with your calf trapped in a gelatinous cube. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the shoggoth showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to groom all the banana slug in your hometown of Buttole. So you kept going, right into the tallow rending plant of the evil Wizard Bloodglow. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your neck handed to you.
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