| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Shamablamaroth is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Cheddarwurst, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of barley pop. He told you about the great plague of dogs that had beset the entire region of Kilmer, and of the rumor that the evil Giant Badfella was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. It wasn't a thing until you had to fend off half a dozen desperados with your giblets trapped in a swinging razor-sharp pendulum. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the mimic showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your battleaxe and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Vampire King Diabolicus's army of half-witted gnolls. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil troll into his own antlion pit, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Shamablamaroth.
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