| Lacking the patience to be a Mage and the brawn to be a Fighter, you decided to be the next best thing: a professional chef. Sadly, your recipe for clarified deviled eggs was unappreciated by the plebes in your tiny hometown of Madlib, so you became a professional Thief instead. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Rusty Nail, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of zima. He told you about the great plague of sheep that had beset the entire region of Schmalbion, and of the rumor that the evil Wizard Krampus was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you had to fend off half a dozen jocks with your lower back trapped in a awkward conversation. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the rakshasa showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for gangsters, you made your way to the lair of Evil Troll Morgar and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul beholder to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your spear and knocked the villain screaming into a vending machine with a well-placed kick to the skull. At last, the treasure was yours!
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