| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Pippin, but you grew tired of having to depilitate the floors and feed the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Sudoku. There, you met the town crier's quarter-witted daughter, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Topaz Flamingo. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were doing really well until you had to actually go in the dungeon. That was when you fell in a cheese-grater, got attacked by gnolls, and got your face bitten off by a mimic. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your knife and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Devil Overlord Frazool's army of red-headed jerks. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil douchenugget into his own swinging razor-sharp pendulum, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Wibbleshire.
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