I just got a new pet dog! I named it Mr. Cutesworth. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and depilitate him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Carter Franklin, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my processed cheese spread at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.