We had to write a book report for school, so I did mine on issue 15 of The Inscrutable Mitch Spade. It's my favorite one coz it's the first appearance of The Four-Color Duo. Mrs. Campbell said that wasn't appropriate material for a book report and gave me a D. She's just jealous coz all the books she has to read are really boring! I bet she's never even heard of The Indefatigable Friends!

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to do somersaults for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "It's not whether you win or lose, get out of the kitchen." I mean, what does that even mean?

My dad went a little crazy last night and painted my whole room puce. And I mean the *whole* room. So now my sheets are all stiff and everything smells like wet paint. Do you know how to get paint off of a video game? I'm seriously jonesing without my Solid Snake 11 -- I mean, I just unlocked the variant Gold Mount before all this happened!