My buddies and I joined an after-school billiards team. Oh, I think you call it "croquet" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like Call of Control 5 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 2650 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

So there's this new kid in school, Stevie "Salami Hog" Langley, and he says his dad's a real-live hobo from the Kingdom of Loathing! Have you ever fought any hobos? I'll bet I could take a hobo if I had to. I mean, if I really totally had to. Especially if I could bring my favorite Pokëmann, Galumpagump.