It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Sandoval, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and clean the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Marky has been trying to get me into tanning chickens for ages, so I gave it a shot. It's really rewarding! I don't feel lonely at all when I'm doing it.

After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Gooey Sweet Shrapnel and the new issue of Weird T. J. Danger vs. the Ancient Aliens, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I scour the furnace. Sigh.