It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Petersen, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and exfoliate the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

My buddies and I joined an after-school Jai Alai team. Oh, I think you call it "handball" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like Devil Galaxy 7 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 3000 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

My dad went a little crazy last night and painted my whole room red. And I mean the *whole* room. So now my sheets are all stiff and everything smells like wet paint. Do you know how to get paint off of a video game? I'm seriously jonesing without my Dragon Rising 7 -- I mean, I just unlocked the variant Silver Mount before all this happened!