After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's play marbles instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.

That big bully Joey Waldorf took my lunch money and tore up my copy of The Extraordinary Bert Hardy and the Ancient Aliens today. I hate him so much! Mr. Lawrence says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his pancreas in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some bor-fu lessons.