My buddies and I joined an after-school Quidditch team. Oh, I think you call it "volleyball" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like World of White 1.5 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 2200 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

That big bully Stevie Nipperus took my lunch money and tore up my copy of Spine-Tingling Tales of Abe Bullet and the Mighty Bastard today. I hate him so much! Mr. Franklin says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his bung in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some findel-fu lessons.