Our home room class got a new class mascot! It's a gerbil, and we named him Mrs. Woogie. Well, a couple of kids wanted to name him Mr. Terry "Pew-Pew-Pew" Peterson, but Mrs. Morin stepped in.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to dig ditches and fill them back in for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I mean, what does that even mean?

Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to filter mom's cuticles before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of chocolate-chip cookies with a side of crab apples, and wash it down with a glass of bacon grease.