We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Alpha Upsilon Sigma, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Jimmy Dejesus had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Dipped Wintergreen Fish and the new issue of Fist-Fighting Randy Malone vs. the Amazing Mice, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I wax the floor. Holy ham hocks!

Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to wash the bathroom before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of open-faced cauliflower with a side of stuffing, and wash it down with a glass of egg nog.