Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to tidy the floor before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of boiled arugula with a side of corn pudding, and wash it down with a glass of crème de menthe.

That big bully Nate Shafer took my lunch money and tore up my copy of The Fugitive Dandy Gently and the Fire Gang today. I hate him so much! Mr. Sullivan says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his thigh in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some bor-fu lessons.