It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Cantrell, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and laminate the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Today Jimmy Belvedere invited me over to his house after school. He's kind of a strange kid and we've never really been friends, but we've been classmates for like forever, so I went. They had this weird aquamarine carpet in every room, and the whole place smelled like boiled broccoli. I looked at his collection of ships in a bottle and we played a little Modern Creed 13, and then I went home. It was pretty awkward the whole time. I hope he doesn't ask me again.

I still have to brush the floor to earn my allowance, and I usually blow it on comic books and bubble gum. My favorite comic right now is The Spectacular Aldous Garcia and the Furious Ninjas -- I couldn't believe the cliffhanger at the end of the last issue!