My buddies and I joined an after-school miniature golf team. Oh, I think you call it "rugby" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like Mortal Road 5 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 2400 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

That big bully Wally DuPree took my lunch money and tore up my copy of The Legend of Horus Black and the Reptilian Sorceress today. I hate him so much! Mr. Hernandez says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his ear in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some bimbor-fu lessons.