My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of Hard-Boiled Bix and the Cream Noise, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his heart punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

Today Matty Lester came over after school and I showed him my pet dog, Mr. Cuddles. He said that was a dumb name and said I should've named it Mr. Cuddlesworth, but what does he know? He named his pet ferret Mr. Snugglesworth, and that's just ridiculous.