My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Exploits of Red and the Emerald Kids, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his thyroid punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

So there's this new kid in school, Johnny "Rheumy" Jordan, and he says his dad's a real-live hobo from the Kingdom of Loathing! Have you ever fought any hobos? I'll bet I could take a hobo if I had to. I mean, if I really totally had to. Especially if I could bring my favorite Pokëmann, Magikrap.