Mom made corned beef hash for dinner again. Yuck! She said I couldn't go play Cyborg Iron 9 until I'd cleaned my plate, so I had to choke it down. When I grow up I'm just gonna eat Smooth Root Beer Knuckles for every meal!

The other day me and Nate were playing croquet over by the condemned factory and he said he thought he saw a vampire. I told him they weren't real, and he got this weird look in his eyes and said "Oh, they're real. They're real, all right. You'll find out soon enough."