Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: P. D. Q. Martin, the Prosthetic Hobo

Hot: Boiling Wallace Reagan

Cold: Popsicle Agamemnon "Bluelips" Franklin, the Human Zamboni

Stench: Trashcan Alistair Brooks

Spooky: Dead-eyed Staniel, the Dead Man Walking

Sleazy: Simon "Too Much Information" Brown

Crimbo: Ol' Saint Fritzrond, the Crimbo Tradition

The Hoboverlord sez: Desk? OLD Man Black gave me A banana once.

Generate some more