Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Lonnie "Casters on Crutches" Cartwright, the Gnome Kicker

Hot: Torches-For-Hands Dwight "The Flamer" Steadwick

Cold: Davey "Icemaker" Noriega, the Shiverin' Shanker

Stench: Awful Stench Ferris "Stinkspit" Khan

Spooky: Theodore Adams, the Hook-Handed Lurker

Sleazy: Risque Leo, the Human Leer

Crimbo: Franklinuil "Tin Soldier" Figgypudding

The Hoboverlord sez: Watermelons? Eat the train, eat the train.

Generate some more