Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Paper Bag Newton "Champagne Cork" O'Mally, the Star-Traveler

Hot: Scalding Archie "Volcano" McMahon, the Flame Belcher

Cold: Northern Exposure Holden "Frigidaire" Shatner

Stench: Filth-Covered Slim "Garlic Press" King, the Guy Made Entirely Out of Onions Or At Least That's How He Smells

Spooky: Meriadoc Franklin, the Crypt Creeper

Sleazy: Lewd Toby Stipe

Crimbo: Martinrod "Silver Bells" Sleighbeller, the Reindeer Groomer

The Hoboverlord sez: Mailbox? Have you seen Grandpa?

Generate some more