Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Mitch Miller, the Boxcar Medic

Hot: Flame-Throwin' Huckleberry, the Insanely Feverish

Cold: Freezing Kenny "Coolerator" Johnson, the Earl of Frostbite

Stench: Unwashed Timmy Taylor, the Man Who Should Probably Change His Socks

Spooky: Ollie "Old Scratch" Walker

Sleazy: Poultry-Chokin' Reynaldo Cooper

Crimbo: Eggnog-Gulpin' Isaiahroth Jackintheboxer

The Hoboverlord sez: Are YOU GRANDPA? Careful... Mumble... Shake THE trolley?

Generate some more