Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Zachary Buck, the Colchester Kid

Hot: Steam-Powered Lamont "The Flaming Flamer" Rutgers, the Cigar-Butt-Flicker

Cold: Ice-Water-For-Blood Rufus "Don't Get Your Tongue Stuck To Him" Rutgers

Stench: Slim "Spitstink" Nite

Spooky: Vincent Clinton, Who May Be a Zombie

Sleazy: Uther Isaacson, the Moustache You Don't Trust

Crimbo: Feliz Aldousion "The Nut Cracker" Sleighbeller, the Carol Crooner

The Hoboverlord sez: Junk? Desks. desks in the watermelon.

Generate some more