Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Polished Ricky "Sunken Treasure" North

Hot: Morris Dunn, the Devil's Pitchfork

Cold: Iceberg Noah Shatner

Stench: Elizabeth King, the Guy Who Chain-Smokes in a Poorly Ventilated Room

Spooky: Manny "Gravedigger" Martin

Sleazy: Grabby Abe "Bad Touch" Walker

Crimbo: Woodydir Turkeyblaster, the Festively Festooned

The Hoboverlord sez: Breakfasts in... the newspaper. Lost the junks. Little Sister's GONNA be mad.

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