Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Stupefying Huckleberry "Teen Heartthrob" Durden

Hot: Still-On-Fire Virgil "Embers" Hall, the Insanely Feverish

Cold: Earl Durden, the Ice Cube Cowboy

Stench: Craig Cartwright, the Dead Man, Judging by the Smell

Spooky: Eerie J. R. O'Kelly, the Guy Who Likes Corpses a Little Too Much, If You Know What I Mean

Sleazy: Grant Martinez, the Ogler

Crimbo: Silent-Night Ryanuil Bowtier

The Hoboverlord sez: How many... radios. It's The Pope, The Pope is...

Generate some more