Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Singleminded Manny "Blinky" Stemple, the Right Hand of Telly Savalas

Hot: Molten Shorty, the Sterno Connoisseur

Cold: Emil King, the Shiverin' Shanker

Stench: Billy Bob Garcia, the Hobo of Eternal Stench

Spooky: Nefarious Elmer, the Hobo Who Goes Bump in the Night

Sleazy: Holden "Furtive" Capulet

Crimbo: Nut-Crackin' Pacobor Nutcracker, the Polar Expressionist

The Hoboverlord sez: Have you seen Grandma? Lost the coats. Mr. McCartney's gonna be mad.

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