Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Kerosene-Soaked Leonardo, the Lumberjack

Hot: Hothouse Jedediah "Smolderin' Doug" North, the Tabasco Man

Cold: Earl Rutgers, the Iceman who Cometh

Stench: Jonsey "Garlic Press" Black, the Man Who Uses a Rotting Fish for Aftershave

Spooky: Putrefying Boris "Golgotha" O'Kelly, the Tommyknocker Man

Sleazy: Naughty Opie, the Too-Slow Streaker

Crimbo: Chestnut-Roastin' Curlyrod, Who Came Upon the Midnight Clear

The Hoboverlord sez: Are YOU Nite? Look out... Papa gave... me a bench... once.

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