Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Staples Dan "Curiously Dense" Smith

Hot: Steam-Powered Alistair "Blaze" Mack, the Human Tiki-Torch

Cold: Freezerburn Zaxxon Clark

Stench: Nasty-Smellin' Ludwig "Loo Brush" Belvedere

Spooky: Nightmare Floyd Rodriguez, the Guy Who Likes Corpses a Little Too Much, If You Know What I Mean

Sleazy: Willard "Trans-Fat" Waldorf, the 32-Year-Old Guy At The Junior Prom

Crimbo: Feliz Curlyeri, the Tree Trimmer

The Hoboverlord sez: Can't find it. Can't find the table. Say... Breakfasts?

Generate some more