Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Cholly Spitzner, the Chamberlain

Hot: Sam "The Back Burner" Hathaway

Cold: Polar Victor "Frosty" Berry, the Abominable Hobo

Stench: Gangrene-Riddled Joe, the Sultan of Stink

Spooky: John Martin, the Galloping Ghoul

Sleazy: Peepin' Steven Jones

Crimbo: Walterras "The Misfit" Stockingstuffer, the Sleigh Bell Polisher

The Hoboverlord sez: WHERE'S my... mailbox? Mumble... Shhhhhh... NAPOLEON'S here.

Generate some more