Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Byron Mills, the Gnome Kicker

Hot: Sizzling Jethro Martin

Cold: Travis Shafer, the Freezerburn Kid

Stench: Jonas Thompson, the Human Compost Heap

Spooky: Dan Jones, Whose Clothes Are Made out of Suspiciously Pale Leather

Sleazy: Roman-Hands Dunstan, the Inappropriate Kisser

Crimbo: Dwightbor Cookiebaker, the Nut Cracker

The Hoboverlord sez: SHAKE the newspaper, shake the newspaper. Do YOU know... Papa? Shhhhhh...

Generate some more