Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Stephen O'Reilly, Who May Be Found by the Card Catalog

Hot: Scorchmarks Max, the Molten Man

Cold: Cold Shoulders Willie, the Guy With Icewater In His Veins But Probably Not Literally

Stench: Foul-Smelling Claudius Taylor

Spooky: Jedediah "Hemp Dance" Belvedere, Whose Clothes Are Made out of Suspiciously Pale Leather

Sleazy: Gropin' Emil "Astro-Glide" Durden, the Heavy Breather

Crimbo: Pine-Scented Stingwen Sleighbeller

The Hoboverlord sez: Toybox, toybox, egg. Fafafa... Lost the campfires. Old Man Rudd's gonna be... mad.

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