Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Hot Fudge Clancy "Phlegmy" Isaacson

Hot: Pippin "99.9 Fahrenheit Degrees" Stemple

Cold: Daddy King, the Iceman who Cometh

Stench: Jack "Pitstain" Tyler

Spooky: Davey Goldthwait, Whose Clothes Are Made out of Suspiciously Pale Leather

Sleazy: Too-Much-Pomade Sam, the Inappropriate Kisser

Crimbo: O Holy Royuil Sleighbeller

The Hoboverlord sez: Bench? Dance with the circus?

Generate some more