Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Dmitry Lewis, the Long Island Landscaper

Hot: Scorchmarks Hilary, the Cinder-Tosser

Cold: Ice-Water-For-Blood Huckleberry Allen

Stench: Wallace "Bad-Smellin' Saul" Goldthwait

Spooky: Aldous "Old Scratch" Mills

Sleazy: Touchy-Feely Virgil "Stalkin'" Noriega

Crimbo: Candy-Munchin' Horuseri, the Little Drummer Boy

The Hoboverlord sez: Pocketknife, pocketknife, toast. Don't... tell MR. Jones. Fafafa...

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