Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Horus Franklin, the Walking Disagreement

Hot: Hunka Hunka Burnin' Boris "Volcano" Shatner

Cold: Icicle Simon, the Boston Penguin

Stench: Gag-Me-With-a-Spoon Johnny "Pitstain" Mills

Spooky: Macabre Johnny O'Mally

Sleazy: Oleaginous Byron Nite

Crimbo: Bowl-Full-of-Jelly Isaiahorm, the Sleigh Bell Polisher

The Hoboverlord sez: The... Pope, The Pope, forget the radios. Wiggle THE breakfast?

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