Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Kenny "Smooth Operator" Haggard, the Land Pirate

Hot: Thousand-Suns Earl "Sparky" Taylor

Cold: Fresh-From-The-Refrigerator Ike Young

Stench: Bath-Refusin' Jim "Loo Brush" Simon, the Human Paper Mill

Spooky: Gunther Anderson, the Eldritch Mist

Sleazy: Chrysler "Ghastly" Waldorf

Crimbo: Toy-Train-Makin' Timmywen "Sweet Tooth" Horsecarver, the Fruity as a Nut Cake

The Hoboverlord sez: Pastry? Brrrrr... Mama gave me a CHAIR once.

Generate some more