| It was hard growing up as a town crier's son in the tiny hamlet of Mondale, in the land of Delawhat. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Having heard many rumors about how Nickelodeon was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding tramps (who had already looted and burned the villages of Cabbagetown, Morpork, and Frog), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the foot of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got attacked by more kobolds than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your skull intact! But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your mace, and cut your way through the hordes of lizardmen that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Grim Sorcerer Hasslehoff, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost nephew, but you killed the assjacket anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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