| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Phlegm, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as who invented the paperclip. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Lurkmoor in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flanders you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Grand Vizier's half-witted uncle had been kidnapped by hobos, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. At first it was a real breeze, at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those lizardmen. That owlbear picked the total worst time to eat your shillelagh. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a farmhand in some crummy backwater like Dogspittle or Pitlick. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Death Witchlord Englebert, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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