| It was hard growing up as a cook's son in the tiny hamlet of Phlegm, in the land of Farc'b'n. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Spazmotic. There, you met the town crier's half-witted roommate, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Monkey. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. There was no drama in the LBC until you had to fend off half a dozen dark elves with your kidney trapped in a awkward conversation. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the roper showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to clean all the boa constrictor in your hometown of Ironforge. So you kept going, right into the tannery of the evil Giant Badfella. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your nipple handed to you.
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