| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Calamaria is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Blurstishire, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Madlib, and heard the local squire talking about the ancient tower that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Gold Idol of Frazool that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. You were rocking the house up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a iron maiden and a swinging razor-sharp pendulum, with a owlbear bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your eye. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless orcs and kobolds -- even a rust monster! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Grim Barbarian Gashspirit, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a sphere of annihilation with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Flabbernathy and claimed your reward.
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