| Due to a misunderstanding, your niece enrolled you in Calamaria Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in pulling coins out of ears.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Deaf Chicken. There, you met the town crier's ugly aunt, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Gold Ferret. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were doing really well but then you wandered into a room totally full of kobolds, plus a liver slaad, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's strip mall, dispatching indigent native tribesmen left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Frost Overlord Morgar. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your teddy bear into his giblets. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil lunatic was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Keaton.
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