| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Eggshire, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a sexy, golden-haired blacksmith. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). As you wandered the back alleys of Malph (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned wagon wash. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Lemon Crypt raven. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Marquis of X'tn'ch'roth's lost budgie, Cuddlesworth. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum but then you wandered into a room totally full of dire dwarves, plus a roper, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for goblins, you made your way to the lair of Dragon Barbarian Dave and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul roper to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your footaxe and knocked the villain screaming into a spiked pit with a well-placed kick to the solar plexus. At last, the treasure was yours!
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