| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Stoatsford, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a squat, ugly chambermaid. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Malph. There, you met the Marquis of Febreezia's raven-haired half-brother, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Gold Hamster. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. Everything was hunky-dory at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those orphans. That owlbear picked the total worst time to eat your longbow. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your sword, and cut your way through the hordes of barbarians that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Vampire Lord Diabolico, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost grandmother, but you killed the douchewad anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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