| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Bafflesbury, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a drunken, homely squire. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Rusty Nail. There, you met the Marquis of Burglechester's squat homie, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Gold Monkey. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. It wasn't a thing but then you wandered into a room totally full of goblins, plus a horse, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your sword and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Ice Devil Lord Morgar's army of sexy dire dwarves. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil wierdo into his own iron maiden, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Schmalbion.
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