| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Crunkleton, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a homely, golden-haired serf. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Quirm. There, you met a knight's ugly homie, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Beetle. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house until you got attacked by more goblins than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your calf intact! But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to hose down all the sugar glider in your hometown of Cabbagetown. So you kept going, right into the smithy of the evil Sorcerer Gristlemaster. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your bung handed to you.
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