| Due to a misunderstanding, your niece enrolled you in Blurstishire Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in pulling rabbits out of hats.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Cheddarwurst. There, you met a knight's serpent-tongued daughter, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Sapphire Caribou. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You had a good handle on it until you had to fend off half a dozen dark elves with your throat trapped in a swinging razor-sharp pendulum. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the hellhound showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to wax all the boa constrictor in your hometown of Hamlet. So you kept going, right into the library of the evil Sorcerer Grunwold. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your foot handed to you.
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