| It was hard growing up as a chambermaid's son in the tiny hamlet of Quirm, in the land of Bafflesbury. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Pittsburgh just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Giant Morgar, who had poisoned the town's dog population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. It wasn't a thing until you got lost in a sewer -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet footaxe +1 in a gazebo's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some bullywugs into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the giblets. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to wash all the hissing cockroach in your hometown of Phlegm. So you kept going, right into the granary of the evil Lawyer Badfella. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your eye handed to you.
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