| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Waltermatthau, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a underdeveloped, serpent-tongued midwife. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Having heard many rumors about how Waxton was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding ents (who had already looted and burned the villages of Malph, Foobar, and Cheddarwurst), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the bung of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. Everything was going great until you dropped your mace in a sphere of annihilation and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the lizardmen showed up. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a farmhand in some crummy backwater like Molehill or Dropseat. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Vampire Witchlord Dave, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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