| You always knew that the village of Buttole wasn't big enough for you -- after all, it was just the one hut, and it was a small one. So, when you came of age, you decided to make a name for yourself as a Fighter. (You parents never gave you a name. You were hoping for "Achilles".) Having heard many rumors about how Schmalbion was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding kobolds (who had already looted and burned the villages of Pittsburgh, Deaf Chicken, and Pig-in-a-Poke), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the kidney of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. Everything was hunky-dory but you soon were confounded by a fiendish guess-which-of-these-bottles-is-poison puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were mad as an underfed Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's dungeon, dispatching lizardmen left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Death Giant Krampus. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your halberd into his throat. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil bozo was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Waxtoff.
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