| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Stubborn Mule, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as whether the chicken or the deep-fryer came first. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. Having heard many rumors about how Fandanzia was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding dark elves (who had already looted and burned the villages of Malph, Molehill, and Cowpat), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the knee of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You weren't having any problems until you had to fend off half a dozen gangsters with your face trapped in a swinging razor-sharp pendulum. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the gazebo showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for gypsies, you made your way to the lair of Dark Lord Diabolicus and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul lich to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your longbow and knocked the villain screaming into a vending machine with a well-placed kick to the throat. At last, the treasure was yours!
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