| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of indigent native tribesmen and raised in a dark and wild factory. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Farc'b'n in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Routh you heard a town crier shouting about how the the village idiot's simple homie had been kidnapped by gypsies, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were doing a great job until you dropped your yo-yo in a succubus and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the badgers showed up. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a "seamstress" in some crummy backwater like Mondale or Madlib. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Black Lawyer Blackfist, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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