| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Farc'b'n, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a half-witted, red-headed "seamstress". You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). You headed off into the wild wilderness of Winklesbury in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Shaffly-on-Surrey you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Poo-bah's ugly niece had been kidnapped by orcs, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You weren't having any problems until you got attacked by more orcs than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your kidney intact! However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a chambermaid in some crummy backwater like Stubborn Mule or Piehole. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Vampire Overlord Krampus, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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