| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Simon, but you grew tired of having to hose down the floors and exfoliate the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Deaf Chicken when you met the town serf. That worthy begged you to try and rescue a charwoman's quarter-witted aunt, who had been kidnapped by kobolds. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. Everything was going great but you soon were confounded by a fiendish guess-which-of-these-bottles-is-poison puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were despondent as an underfed gerbil. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a village idiot in some crummy backwater like Cowpat or Quirm. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Skull Knight Diabolico, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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