| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Zevroozlchester, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a sexy, buxom town crier. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Deaf Chicken. There, you met the Sultan's tattooed aunt, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Emerald Penguin. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those goblins. That rust monster picked the total worst time to eat your crossbow. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your magic wand and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Ice Warlock Arc'klor's army of quarter-witted orphans. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil git into his own lava pool, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Taintingham.
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