| Life was hard as an orphan on the streets of Cabbagetown, without a grandpa or grandma to teach you right from wrong. On the other hand, you wouldn't have grown up to be such a talented Thief otherwise. In the fiefdom of Brazzleton, in the unpleasant-smelling backwater of Cheddarwurst, you found an inn with cheap jell-o shots and spent the night carousing. There, you heard a tale of the forgotten treasure of the Emerald Caves, lost for ages during the time of the great cleansing. You decided to seek the treasure yourself, heedless of the literal mountain of skeletons of those who had tried before you. At first it was a real breeze, until you had to fend off half a dozen goblins with your kidney trapped in a lava pool. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the wisteria slaad showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your magic wand and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Demon Devil Lord Englebert's army of comely gunslingers. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil yokel into his own gelatinous cube, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Eggshire.
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